Cheerfulness...

It's now many times that I heard people tell me back at home-" Hey! What happened to your cheerfulness?"

Cheerfulness. Being cheerful. It seems to be a very long time when I was last genuinely cheerful. What happened? Have I changed? Dad keeps on saying- "Why so serious, son?"

No I haven't changed. At least I must say that for keeping my confidence boosted enough. The thing is, I think, is that I am now unable to project what's going on inside me or that I have learnt to mask it with a rather stoic look. It is really bad to realise that I have lost my cheerfulness.

Maybe it's the circumstances. Slogging through engineering and living in an environment and getting exposed to various circumstances and various flavors of people changes the way you look around yourself which in turn can affect oneself in some way or the other. There had been a lots of ups and downs in my life in the past 2.5 years(mainly downs,I'll say) and that maybe a reason for the way I behave. Chattering is one quality that I mainly miss now-a-days. One thing that engineering told me is to "shut up"- speak only when necessary or only when demanded. I now find it difficult(in fact very difficult) to start a conversation with somebody with whom I do not share my interests. Anyways, someone had once told me, I remember- "Tum bahaut bolte ho". I really took that(though unknowingly) and now I am sure that I will not, or rather, can not give him any reason to tell me that.

In the meantime, I am working to improve on my cheerfulness and make myself like before... more merry and more cheerful. Anyways, who doesn't like to be cheerful... at least chicks like cheerful guys, or so am I told.

On higher education

Lately, the buzz word among the students have been "higher-education". I have been facing the same questions from various people many times-"Are you preparing for some exams next year?" By this, they basically mean three things- CAT/GRE/GATE in that order of preference. Though I hate being asked this question repeatedly and again, I still mantain composure and answer frankly- "Not as of now". As of now...hmm, does this mean I may prepare in the near future? I cannot answer this question.

Seriously speaking, seeing a lot many people interested in further education(and not to forget the profs emphasising as well) makes me re-think what I had decided once- No further education. Was this BTech any less that I want to go for more? Although my re-thinking on this topic doesn't generate any fruitful results but it makes me think about what other people might be thinking.

Some obvious reasons can be-

• Interest in learning more.
• Branding themselves with a higher degree of education.
• Increased remuneration expectation. Looking at the current market situation, the starting salaries will be going down by one level.
• Parents' pressurising for going for higher studies.

None of these reasons seem to be very lucrative to me. Many people(infact most of us) doesn't think once before making a statement like- Engineering was a waste of time. Most of us think so and voice our feelings that we are learning nothing in college. If this is case and reason to go for higher studies, then what guarantees that we will not say the same thing there as well.

Coming to the salary part, I admit,yes, the starting salaries will no doubt decrease. But it is not only the case here. Even if one goes for higher studies, there as well the starting salaries will be less by one level. Although greater than what one will get as an undergraduate, but there is no reason to beleive that the span of 2 yrs of study will be a proper time-investment and will demand a more hike than the same time spent in industry.

But I do not think that going for higher education is a bad idea-never thought so. This post is all about me and my reasons for re-thinking about it. Even after some musing upon the topic, I could not reach a concrete opinion- I still have to re-think. But for all those going for higher studies all I got to say- Work hard and you will make it!

A bad day!

The past few days- two to name it- hasnt been good for me. Some very subtle things had happened which really turned out to be sensitive things and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

First thing, I am selected by Microsoft as the Microsoft Student Partner for our institute. As part of the work I am supposed to lead a club which will deal with popularising MS technologies in the campus. There was already a MS club in the college for the past one year. As the student partner I assumed that now it would be my duty to lead that club. But when I had a talk with the student convener of the club, there arose many complications- I prefer to call it administrative hurdles. I was not allowed to lead the club because the student convener tells me that he is supposed to be the head of the club -as discussed with MS last year. That I would be a high priority member of the club but the administrative decisions will be taken by him. As said to me by MS, the student partner is the person who is the most close to MS from a campus-so that should be me. But it was opposed. This not only frustrated me but also gave me an insight that the club was a prime platform for "playing politics". I have lost all respect to this club but I ought to be a member of the club. And so will I. But I will never have any affinity for it.Nonetheless the discussion ended in a peaceful note- I will say that I didnt like the tone of the student convener- and I had written to MS for clear divison of the responsibilities incase the student convener has to be retained as the head of the club.

Second thing, I got inducted into another club, CyberSOFT club which deals with IT advancements of the institute. It was a good thing. But when I saw the list of the people who were selected I realised the induction process was a joke. Good people were chucked away and some people who didnt deserve were selected in place of them. Moreover, I attended the first meeting of the club in which there was an election to decide the position-holders in the club. Again seeing the way it was being held, I would like to call it illogical to me. Some rules were set up which no doubt, was not for the welfare of the club. Clearly, I concluded the club was altogether crap and I lost my interest.

Third thing and the thing that hurt me the most. Something happened-which even I am sure of- in our Sun club which led to the disappointment of one of my closest friends and he is now leaving the club. One thing I would like to say is that of all the clubs I have seen, I can say with certainity that the workings of the Sun club is the best. One reason for this may be that over time all the Sun club members have become best pals and so this promotes transparency and smooth working. Even we are very close to our juniors in the club. But something had happened, which I still have no clear idea of, which disappointed a junior and my friend, Subhankar. We at Sun club had an idea that in no case our juniors should feel left out or disappointed on anything.

Final thing, I will not refrain from saying that I hate this college. Even if you do something which is beneficial for the student community you are being opposed by the administration. As part of Sun club activities, we are conducting Java classes for the first years to bring them soon to mainstream programming leaving the traditional programming using C/C++. But our HOD told me that whatever we are doing is "bullshit"- he used this term and that it is not beneficial to the first years. According to him, we should not be teaching Java but should supplement them by re-teaching them what they are already studying as part of their syllabus. According to me, its the duty of the college to do that and not ours. I told this to him but this got him infuriated and he told many more illogical things and humiliated me. I hated that person from the very beginning but after this incident I hate him so much that I wouldnt give him a drop of water even when he is dying of thirst. I do not understand why incapable people get angry when someone challenges them in their area. But I dont care anymore. He can do no more harm to me and so I dont care.

I hope things get better. And the first thing that I want to fall in place is the matter with Subhankar.

Back here...

Finally the seemingly never-ending summer vactions drew to an end. Coming back from home after such a long time leaves some nostalgia... home, a place where everything is so cosy that you dont need to do anything. No tension what's cooked today(here we even the thought of thinking what's offered in the mess tonight makes me sick). No tension what will I be wearing today(here what do I have that's clean enough that I can wear today to college).

Anyways there are postives and negatives to everything. At home I get bored coz I dont have anything to do and here I have so much so that I wish a day would be some longer than 24 hours. Now that I have come to hostel and settled my room-had a change of hostel which in itself is such a big task but thats a different post-I am getting back to normal life. The last day was all about masti-all friends after long time and all had so much to say. Everyone narrating not what happened in the holidays but how they missed hostel. I had only one word to describe this -Wow! I love it... All the PJs... the comments on each other... swearing to each other(ofcourse, friendly)... wow...I love the hostel life!!!

Just one word to all my friends... Lets rock on guys as we do!

Skyrocketing of college fees

Anyone who think that the fee in Government colleges are very nominal...get your facts straight. Our college fees have been increasing every year and this year it just skyrocketed like anything. Seems that the annual grant from the government has been decreased manifold and the burden falls on the pockets of the students' parents or else it is corruption to slice out more money from students fees and use it in visiting honeymoon destinations by the sucking Director.

The fees have just been revised for the third time for this semester. Now its hard to believe that all these revisions are for something useful-coz cropping up of useful things usually takes time- making me believe that this is to fill the deep pockets of the corrupted administration. But TII(This Is India) . And the commoners can do nothing but just be preys to the vultures.

Huh...useless post,doesnt make any difference.

Christening of halls...

Guess what! The college authorities having nothing to do suddenly decided that they should do something.And after spending lot of time finding to do something(something which is useless and would not require any effort) they...I mean which has got no importance and doing that requires wastage of resources and time,they finally came up with a lifetime idea of renaming the halls of residence. We had good names from Hall-1 to Hall-7,which made it easy to remember and systematic.

But I dont know which demon visited that Director Sarangi at night and whispered in his ears,with a sweet chime,this idea which is not desirable at the first place but also adds to confusion. Now our halls are known by names of eminent scientists and industrialist...half of them I has never heard(and they call them famous)...all Indian...like industrialists from other nations are not worthy of it. Now whenever a notice comes up regarding some hall,it has the name mentioned rather than the number,then I got to ask someone...Abey yeh kaun sa hall hain? He replies- Pata nahin yaar...jake director ki ## ko puuch!

This leads to frustation at times.I tried to remember the names but I get confused. But as for the student community the halls are still 1 to 7 and I think it will be atleast for some 2-3 years to come.

My list of crushes...

Whao! Its terrible to be back to blogging.I almost forgot what's a blog...he he... Ann now when I am here,some time for confessions. Yeah,I am a serious despo. Now thats not my fault- look, I am 20(uhhh....19!),basically good-natured,not bad looking,in a good college...but still single and you won't beleive it(neither do I) havent had a single girlfriend till date. Had many crushes,some which lasted years and some lasted minutes. Let me recount those...what you not interested??? whats the f-word!

The crushes are in chronological order.(Names have been changed)
Crush no-1:I still remember that day(I mean that's to tell...now come on,you expecting me to remember the date???).I was then in Std.5...yes u read it correct. It was the recess time. I had finished eating and then suddenly my friend,Deepak asked me-"Do you like a girl?" I was shocked to hear that.This was my first encounter to "that" thing. Never before had I thought like that.I answered-"No one." I thought he would insist but he didnt.He must have thought that I must have been a newbie in the area-and that was true! I brooded over that for quite a few days and my hormones started running wild-I still remember those days. One day in the class from the blue,I noticed Priya I remember it was the Science class)...she was sitting leg over leg(the way girls sit).Her skirt was not in a "very-good" position and her legs(I mean the part of legs which normally isnt) was visible. I felt something and there went the first crush-Priya! I never told her but eventually she came to know and refused-my god!! was that refusal??? The crush didnt last after the refusal and till then it was nearly an year old...not a bad start.A year's continuation was good.

Crush no-2: Her name was Gayatri.This wasnt any eventful.I coudnt realise when and how it happened and never acknowleged it. But it happened. Somewhere around std.8! Lets see the next one.

Crush no-3: Now I am a youngster!I should have a girlfriend...I had thought. Class 11!The ripe time for "things" to happen. I was desperately looking for someone. There she was. Dressed in a black skirt and a red top on which was written "Bebe" in glittering letters. She looked amazing. I had to impress her. I was one of the boys whom everyone had known as just too smart at studies and someone as highly intelligent. No one had thought I could like a girl from out junior college... they thought my expectations were much higher. And so while my friends went around with girls I was left alone. I remember that feeling...uh,why had I to be so smart? But here she was. Her name was Shilpa(I christened her Pari). And within a day, everybody of our section came to know about this. Some exclaimed-What!Siddharth!Girl!Here!!! And whats more-the name Pari became popular as became the girl. I didnt tell her. And after some days her part was over.Maybe 2 weeks. After some days,some friends-who knew her well- told me that she is eyeing.I dismissed the matter. Huh!IIT preparation!

Crush no-4: I was in Kota...have become a complete nerd...nothing apart from studying. And no girls in my batch. After the re-tests my batch was changed from Y2 to X9. It was the month of December. I reached Bansal classes,collected the study material for the day and lined up for waiting to get into the class. Someone passed by. Just for curiousity I turned back. A girl dressed in a rough jeans,a red woolen jacket and a pink mufler.Damn the cold was pinching. She removed her mufler from her face.And I saw her.Oh my god...I couldnt beleive it.She was from my batch.I had seen her before but never seen her.She looked amazing.I didnt know her name. That day,and the day following,and the day following,I sat behind her trying to strike a conversation but failed. Eventually with all the study-pressure I forgot her within a week...but I must say...she was quite a damsel.I feel sorry to lose her.Only remembrance...Vibhuti!

Crush no-5: I was at my brother's place in Delhi. It was May after my IIT and AIEEE exams. Gayatri reappeared in scence. Though we had regular contacts there was nothing between us in particular. Everything was cumulating,I suppose! I won't call this a crush...it was,yes love! I realised it sometime. Had decided to tell her once I get back to my homeplace. But before that she told me she had a boyfriend and there finished my story! The loss was enchanced by my failure at IIT-JEE. The two biggest failures of my life-I call that. I thought of her for the next 1 year as still refresh and then masked it with my false pretentions that "I am so jolly". I still have a soft corner for her and still feel sad when I am writing about her. But I will never ever happen that love to surface.Its buried deep inside...it;ll never out.Gayatri,it will never come out.

Crush no-6: It was my first day in NIT Rourkela.Physics lab.Though heart-brokean after the Gayatri incident but boys will be boys. There she was. Rima.In a suit,trying to decipher what the f-word is the lab about. I was flat at her first sight. But too much competition!!! I lost and there was also the broken heart. Some 3 weeks.

Crush no-7: It was 2nd semester.January.I dont know-but winters make girls more beautiful. Rima again! Dressed in red(a little gliterring) sweater there she stood infront of the department. Flat again.Same story again.Dismissed it.Lack of ability.Some 3 weeks again.

Crush no-8: 3rd semester.Red suit.Sleveless. Flawless skin. Same story.Same girl.Rima-you are just too much.

Crush no-9: Yes,you guessed it right.4th semester.Same story.Same girl.

End of story!
Of all that has happened,Gayatri will be the eternal one.I consider that to be my firt love.Lost! B
But but but...in a month 5th semester.And you never know,maybe this time.Rima are you listening???

Those great days...

Those great days...when I was away from this place and with my relatives.Yes, it was my sister's engagement and brother's wedding. 10 days of unadulterated masti and fun made the days pass as moments leaving behind another beautiful chapter in my life. I want to thank God 'coz I consider myself to be so lucky to spend sucj wonderful moments and having such great people with me... sitting with me at night doing nothing but simply talking nonsense and laughing at each other's PJs... dancing with me to the tunes of those enchanting and intoxicating days. I am now very tired after those 10 days but all that which will always come to my mind when I think of those days is not the tiredeness but the golden moments spent....

Now I am immensely missing everyone and all my heart craves is that I could turn back time and relive those moments where the only thing which prevailed was pure love! Thank you god for making me so lucky that I had a chance to spend such wonderful time.

Uffff....A break at last!

Tomorrow I am fleeing away from this place...thank God.After all the mid-sem tensions and the boring,useless classes, it was highly desirable to have a break. And what break can be better than attending the engagement of my sister and cousin's wedding.Thank god,both coincidentally happenned at the same time or else this fucking college would never have allowed me to go twice.

Looking eagerly for pure fun and some other potentialities as well ;)

Are teenage boys really one-dimensional horny liars?

Hey,I got this "funny" article of NewYork times here. I loved the article from the title to the footnote. Though I am no more a teenager-sad:(-still I can do relate to the subject...atleast I feel like a teenager! "Peeking inside the mind of the boy dating your daughter" goes the title-isn't that makes it compulsively readable for everyone from a teenage boy/girl to moms and dads.

It speaks about a study which revealed that teenage boys(hereafter referred to as horny liars) dont get into a relationship just coz they have "only" sex in their minds exactly-what bastards the subjets of the survey were(kidding!). It says they care about relationships...they "like the other person". And there are also comments from "more responsible and truthful" adults who say that the survey only further "strengthens their conviction about the horny liars".

Well I see!!!Hmmm.... who is correct?? As I am no more a horny liar as well as not the "truthful" adult,I consider myself to be the best person who can give an absolutely unbiased judgement. Are boys really the thought to be stereotype persons and all they have on their mind is sex. I'll say to some extent this is true. Well even after teenage(in India)-basically who I see now-a-days here want to have a girlfriend is coz they wanna get laid. They just wanna experience it and not to forget the ultimate desire of losing virginity before graduation-huh!but we are the unlucky ones,I suppose...

But.But.But.Not everyone is like that.There are boys who care about relationships...I have known them and believe me they are into the relationship coz they like the other person. It may lead to sex but its not the objective(or atleast what I know). And there are also boys who got into a relationship coz of "the" objective but landed into it permanently and in fact,started loving the girl. I remember my room-mate had told me in the first year-"Dude,you get into with a girl coz you wanna get laid but then after some time you get attached to her emotionally and then its no more the same". When he told his, he was into a relation that time and still into it. What will you say to that?

So basically its wrong to make any generalisation. And anyways, whats their to talk about? Everyone has had that phase of hormonal changes and those "testosterone-fueled" days-so whats the big deal to discuss about it...Things will remain the same...So all you horny liars-keep rocking!!!

Yet another Valentine's!

The chill's still in the air and the whole world is dancing to the immortal and frangrant air of love. The air feels different...along with the warm winds fighting to get in and the last remains of chill trying their best to survive,there is yet another element which gives the X-factor-love! Yes love is unexplained coz it needs no explaination,love just happens coz there is no need for it to justify... yes,it is love!

Everyone rejoicing their love and here is a person sitting and wondering what is so special about this day.Do you need a special day for celebrating your love. Love is eternal-a bliss.Do you need a day to remind or celebrate it?Being in love and loving in itself is the biggest celebration of love. Still then we celebrate love on a particular day-not ruling out the fact that we love each day and thus are celebrating it anyways.

Today after logging into gtalk, I saw a variety of status messages from different ppl.Some include-

1. sirf tanhaiyan hain...(Obviously loved and lost and still repenting-a species not to be discussed)
2. I love the one you know who!!! (Couldnt make out what was it all about)
3. No valentines day at NITRkl...Bharat ki sanskriti kharab kar di hain...(Commented later)
4. There are thousands of feelings that can be expressed in thousands of words and few which cannot be expressed in thousands of words...(Bad vocabulary I'll say!)
5. V-day...dihave pe mat jao apni akal lagao(What's this?)
6. For all those who are single....Happy Independence day!(This was the status msg of the most popular guy of the collg-so no comments!)

I spent quite a time wondering about the "sanskriti" wala status msg. Is that true? Is being in love not in our culture or sanskriti. Does our sanskriti forbid us from loving others. Well I am one of those ppl who beleive that culture is culture.No culture is bad or good-those are just two culture. People talk of "American culture" which I dont like. Just coz you have your own culture that doesnt mean that you have got a license to speak bad about other cultures. I just pity upon the choti soch of Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal who have no work other that troubling people...why cant they mind their own business... Should we conclude that our culture forbids us to love or forbids us from celebratinng love? None of these seem apt to me...

Anyways Valentines in the air and I wish a Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. And as I log off and get along with studies, I write this status msg on gtalk-

"All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us. "

The incredibly strong and "crap" firewall...

Cyberoam-our insti firewall which monitors all our activities on net whether be it from the college or the hostel. It restricts everything-you name it. It not only monitors how many hours we use the net per week-fucks you if you use more than 30 hours a week-but also blocks nearly 75% of the websites on the web. No not only social networking websites like orkut or websites with objectionable contents but also rapid share or and P2P.

I can understand that P2P can be used for cyber crime but then blocking it means you are not allowed to download ebooks which are either not easily available or else too costly for any student to buy but easily available. i dont know whether the ebooks from rapidshare are legal or not but does it make any difference if we are using that for learning-I mean who doesnt. Cyber crime in India is so prevailing and open that it is almost impossible to curb it.Just look at this- how many of home users have a registered version of Windows?

Today I was trying to download a Data Structure book on Java...so that I can finally study Data Structures...though we had the subject last sem,the prof was crap and we didnt learn anything-we expect one or two people who were sincere enough! But to my surprise and quite to my annoyance I was forbidden to do so.I always thought that an institute is a place where student advancement is placed before everything else but here the processes being in their right place is paid more attention.If I start writing about the non-desirable things that happen here to curb students' enthu then probably I will eat away all the space available on the Web.

I just hope that someone from the administration sees this post and makes necessary and ofcourse desirable changes to the existing firewall-I dont know but I may be rustricated if someone's reads this and oh yeah!punsihing students for little reasons is not alien to our insti...

Till it gets fixed,rock on guys...the insti itself doent want we should study so what's the fuck if we dont?

Aaja Nachle!

Hey,I saw the movie Aaja Nachle and couldnt stop myself from writing about it...I mean I just loved the movie.I dont know whether people liked it or not but it doesnt make any difference. And I loved Madhuri Dixit-the best dancer,the best actress ever and forever...!!!

I loved the theatre concept in the movie. I mean I havent seen a theatre ever and I had thought that it was boring but after seeing this movie, I am just waiting for such a chance. What dances,what songs and what emotions...sometimes a dance brings out the emotions which would take a lifetime to show by verbal communication... and what an apt title... after seeing the movie I felt like dancing on the title song-and shhh....here's a secret...I did dance!!!-uhh,that was not to be disclosed!!!

I will say whoever has not seen the movie must see it. I cant say whether you will like it or not but yes this movie is a Hindi movie and I love Bollywood. There's dance,love,emotions everything...

So guys,lets rock it...Aaja Nachle!